Mid Year Resolution

So today marks the 184th day of 2007. Yes, that would mean that half the year has come and gone. Six months have passed and I have no major accomplishments. Well, I did move out of my parent's house, but come on; I am 24 so it was bound to happen. Other than that I really haven't done anything. I go to work everyday of the week, sometimes I stay late or work weekends, but that is it. I don't do much. How lame am I? Very!

I'm not one to make resolutions, usually because I have yet to actually follow through, but I feel as if I am at this point in my life where I must finally say "Hey Priscilla you might want to ponder this thing called life. You know people actually do something with it. They live it." I tend to think of all these wonderful possibilities, my hopes, my dreams, but for some reason I don't do anything that may someday lead me down a path where I just might actually achieve a goal or make a dream become my reality. I think, but never act. So I guess it is time to act or forever be stuck here. But where do I want to go? How the fuck should I know! I just don't want to be here.

I don't want to be in California. I don't want to be at my job. I don't want to be at this place in my mind where I don't know what I want. I am somewhat sure of the things I don't want, but I don't have a fucking clue what I do want or do I?

I want to be in New York. I want to have a different job or the means to not need to have a job. I want to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to want this life. I want to live and to make a difference, whatever that means. I want success. I want to not be fearful of taking a chance. I want to be happy. I want just being me to be enough.

I wish that everything I had was enough to make me happy. I wish I wasn't me. I wish I was understood, but even I don't understand myself. I wish I was taller.

So what does one do when they are completely lost? Do I ask for directions, turn around and go back to where I started and choose a new path, or wait until someone drops into my life and just hands me everything I've ever wanted? That last one sounds pretty good.

I know! I will just pretend that all of this was part of my plan and bullshit myself into thinking that I've always meant to end up here.

Or I could just start over, right now. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, right? I will leave the past in the past, but learn from my mistakes. I will believe in myself always. I will finish the things I start. I will start to trust myself. I will take a chance. Yes, just one, but it will be a good one.

Seriously, What The Fuck Is Wrong With You

Is it really that hard to do the right thing? Would it really have been that difficult to take two fucking minutes out of your precious ass on couch, eyes glued to computer ritual to share your news over a month ago? If he wasn't there at the time would you have just left without saying a damn thing? What was so bad about being here that you had to leave the way you did? Were you beaten, kicked out, or unloved? No, actually you were clothed, sheltered, and fed for the last 20 years. Obviously treatment like that doesn't garner your respect.

So in case you weren't aware or are too self-involved to care, you hurt someone that I care about. Maybe you don't give a fuck, but I do. You will probably just go on with your life like everything is ok, but it won't be. As always you will ignore the situation and hope it magically fixes itself. Well, you sure did fuck up big this time. Show the people who have taken care of you for your entire life some well deserved respect. Stop being a pussy, grow up, and act like an adult.

I would never be able to say this in your face, not because I don't want to, but because you are unable to take any criticism or hear anyone's opinion without bringing out the bitch within. Also, you probably won't be showing your face around here anytime soon so who knows when I would have had the chance to shit on your parade. It's obvious you don't care about anyone else, but to be fair the world does revolve around you so why should you give a fuck about anyone.

Honestly, I know this sounds like I am being a total bitch, but I am so pissed off about the way you handled this whole situatuion. Someone needed to tell you how shitty your actions were and since I know you won't listen to what I have to say what other choice do I have but to vent my frustrations here.

So, are all your frustrations gone now that you have left? Karma is a bitch, so beware.