Joshua Radin

I went to the Joshua Radin concert last night at HOBA. It was so amazing. I think I just may have been extra happy about not having to be shoved around by a bunch of little sweaty emo kids. I loved the opening acts, Hana Pestle and Erin McCarley. I will definitely download music from both artist as soon as it's available. I really just enjoyed the whole night. Just me and my sis, a few drinks, and great music made for a perfect night. It was so relaxing. I went in as just a lite Joshua Radin fan and not really knowing what to expect form the whole show. I was really only familiar with a few a his songs, but now I need more. I can't wait for his new album.

No other shows currently scheduled. I'll will just have to wait and see what the fall tour season brings my way.

Projekt Revolution

There is nothing better than attending Linkin Park concert to help release all of your pent up aggression. Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself, but screaming in unison with 15,000 people also helps. So basically LP kicked ass as usual. I am still in awe at how truly amazing their set was. The crowd was great and I had the most amazing seats. I would have to say that it was 10 times better than the Staples show a few months ago, not that that show was bad, this one was just that much better. I also really enjoyed Steal Drum Corp. They definitely have a unique sound. I just may have to pick up the album. The Bravery also played a set. I fucking love that band. This was my fourth time seeing them and they get better with each show. Chris Cornell was definitely a highlight, especially his duet with Chester. He nearly stole the show from LP. I've gone to many great shows this year, but so far Projekt Revolution was by far the best. I will for sure be back next year. All in all it was a spectacular night. I even got out of the parking lot in record time.

Up next : Joshua Radin @ HOBA

Denmark...finally

I was supposed to be leaving for Denmark on Friday, but sometimes plans just don't work out the way you hoped they would. Now plans are set for Dec. 17 - Jan. 2. It's going to be cold...really cold. I would definitely have preferred to do my solo travels through Scandinavia during the warm summer months, but I guess I will just have to settle for the cold winter months. I'm excited, but not as excited as I initially was when I was first planning this trip. I sure my excitement will grow as the months pass and my obsessive need to plan takes over.

I have a lot of saving to do, which is going to be difficult as I like to spend. I refuse to rely on credit cards like I did last winter for my New York vacation. That fucked me over for months afterward. A large hotel bill and airlines tickets, I never want to be the person who has to front all the money again. At least this time it's just me so I don't have to carry the weight of others. I really need to not be so generous. Life will have to take a back seat for the next four months, but that really shouldn't be a problem for me. I will just have to hang out at home and save, save, save.

So now the planning begins. What countries to visit, what sites to see, transportation, and lodging; there are a lot of decisions that need to be made and I can be quite indecisive. Denmark seems so far away, but time will fly and it will be here in no time. I can hardly wait!

Healthy Living

I am trying to get healthy. I'm not trying that hard, but still I am trying. I've been able to get to the gym a few days a week for the last couple of months, which has left me feeling pretty good. I haven't had any fast food in the last couple of months, in fact I really haven't eaten out all that much. I'm getting the recommended eight hours of sleep and drinking at least eight cups of water a day. Why? Because that's what they say you should do. I even had a physical a few days ago. Apparently I am not dying, so everything looks good.

Feeling...

lost
empty
bored
lonely
like I am forever fated to pretend

It's better to live one day as a lion than a thousand years as a lamb.

It's so good to hear Zack de la Rocha's voice again. The Rage Against the Machine frontman has a new band, One Day as a Lion with The Mars Volta drummer Jon Theodore. I recently finished listening the their new EP and really enjoyed it. It is definitely worth checking out, especially if you are a fan of Zack's. Now I'm going to go back to holding my breath in hopes for a new RATM album. Now wouldn't that be great!

Pineapple Express

I keep seeing the trailer and posters for Pineapple Express everywhere. I can't wait to see this movie. Seth Rogen in ridiculously hilarious. I have loved James Franco since his Freaks and Geeks days. I am excited to see him in a comedy. All of his previous work has been more on the serious side so it will be nice to see him play a stoner. This film can't come soon enough.

Another film I have looked forward to is The Dark Knight. I still haven't seen it, but I hear it's going to blow my mind. I'm planing on seeing it at the IMAX theater this weekend. Apparently special IMAX cameras were used to film many of the scenes, so it should be worth the extra cash.

Lake Tahoe

Lake Tahoe was absolutely beautiful. It was so great to relax around nature. We went horseback riding, hiking, boating, and took a scenic drive around the lake. The first day I lost $40 at the casino and was way bummed cause I just hate to lose. But the next night I won $100 which made everything all better. I had so much fun. I can't wait to go back again. Maybe a snowboarding trip this winter, that would be fun.

Vacation, Finally!

I am off to Lake Tahoe for the weekend. I am so excited to go out off town for a few days especially since my Big Sur trip got cancelled. Tahoe is such a gorgeous place in the summer. The lake is so beautiful. I just takes my breath away. It will be great to get outside and do some outdoor activities. I am stuck in an office all week, which I hate, so it will be nice to enjoy the sunshine.

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

Fuckin' Phenomenal!

I saw coldplay last night at The Forum. It was an amazing concert. It's been so long since I last saw them live. I had forgotten what a great live act the are. Chris Martin is such a good frontman. He is so animated onstage, so entertaining. Coldplay is definitely one of the best live bands I have seen. I feel so inspired after last night's show. I don't know what I am insipred to do, but inspired I am.

Viva Rafa!

So Rafeal Nadal beat Roger Federer today in what may be one of the best tennis matches ever played. He is definitely my new favorite tennis player. Sorry Andy! Rafa is just better and Spanish and hot. How could I not love him!

Think Your Life Sucks, Maybe You Just Need A Little Perspective

A thought for today:

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week. If you have never experienced the danger of war, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed, because most of us can, but few do. If you can hold someone's hand, hug them, or even touch them on the shoulder, you offer healing, and are therefore blessed. If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing because someone is thinking of you, and because two billion people in the world cannot read at all.

Be awake, be aware, and have a great day!

I Still Really Need A Vacation

My vacation to Big Sur got cancelled due the massive fire that has overtaken the beautiful scenic seaside town. It sucks cause I was really looking forward to getting out of the city and relaxing for a few days. However disappointed I am it is nothing compared to being evacuated from you home and having to wait out the fire somewhere else and not know if you will have a place to go back to.

I am going to Lake Tahoe in two weeks for three days. I can't wait. It is so beautiful up there this time of year. Denmark might be back on in August, but I'm not really sure. I don't know if I really have the money to go anymore. I was told about a month ago to plan on going in December instead of August so I got lazy and stopped saving for the trip since I now had extra time. I want to go, but my mind is not set on it happening so soon anymore. Its hard to start focusing on the trip again. I feel like it is coming up too fast. I also made other plans in August due to the fact that I thought I wasn't going. I've got the Projekt Revolution concert with Linkin Park and The Bravery on Aug 10 and a Joshua Radin concert on Aug 23. So where do I fit in a two week vacation to Denmark that has to be completed by Labor Day? I guess I could sacrifice Joshua Radin, but I kind of love him and haven't had the chance to see him in concert, so I have to go right? I don't know what to do. I hate decisions, but love choices.

I guess I will just have to think about it some more.

I So Need A Vacation

I feel stressed and tired and my mind is so cluttered. I need to clear my head, relax, and enjoy a bit of sunshine. I'm headed to Big Sur for the 4th of July weekend with my sister. I even took of an extra day off to make it a nice 4 day weekend of beautiful coastal views and lots of communing with nature. There is just something about taking off on a road trip that makes like seem so much better. Well, paying almost $5 a gallon for gas won't make life feel better, but i will just have to deal with it. I just need to drive and get away from this place. I need to clear my mind and regain focus on this life I am trying to create for myself.

So the plan is to wake up bright and early on July 3rd and make our way toward our first stop in Santa Barbara. From there we will stop by Pismo Beach, and maybe do a little site seeing at Hearst Castle. Once we get to Big Sur there will be lots of hiking, and some horseback riding along the beach. Then we will head up to Pebble Beach for a relaxing scenic drive.

I can't wait to get away!

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

I love this poem. It may very well be my favorite. Enjoy!

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
by T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot)

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma percioche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"

Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair —
(They will say: 'How his hair is growing thin!")
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin —
(They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? ...

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep ... tired ... or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet — and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it towards some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all" —
If one, settling a pillow by her head
Should say: "That is not what I meant at all;
That is not it, at all."

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor —
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
"That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all."

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old ... I grow old ...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

I am back at home living with my parents, which really isn't a bad thing. I had all of these ideas about what living on my own would be like, but it really wasn't all that different from being at home. I had all kinds of plans to enrich my life, but ended up accomplishing nothing. I guess I would have to say the the year and a half I spent living on my own was basicallhy a waste of my time. I had planes to save money which did not work out at all. I only have my generosity to blame for ending up in debt.

Rock 'N Roll Is HOT

So I went to Warped Tour today. It was so much fun, but so hot.

Bamboozle Bitches!

So yeah I was totally at Bamboozle left on Saturday. It totally rocked. I had an amazing time with my sister and got to see some of my favorite bands. My feet were killing me by the end of the night, but it was so worth it. Music just makes me feel so alive. It has this ability to take away all the bad thoughts that constantly clutter my mind.

Thirty-eight cents

I am so tired of working so hard and having nothing to show for it. I work about 50 hours a week, plus occasional weekends to make as much money as I can only to watch it disappear. I have a whole fucking $0.38 in my checking account, and two drained savings accounts. I have shit to show for all my hard work which is making it harder to show up to work everyday because it just seems pointless to work your ass off if you don’t get to enjoy your money. Well, maybe other people are enjoying my hard earned cash, but it certainly isn’t me. Let’s not forget that tax day is less than four weeks away. I still owe the IRS about $800. Did I mention I have 38 cents? Good luck to the IRS getting that money. Sometimes I like being on my own, but now I wish I would’ve stayed at home. Sure I would be living with my parents, but I would actually have money and maybe I would already be in New York. I would not have had the life and cash sucked out of me.

I want to move away from Cali. I want to go to Denmark in August. Unfortunately all of these things cost money. And money is not something I can spare right now. I may have to cancel my trip to Denmark if I can’t come up with the funds to go. I don’t intend to do things that I can’t afford and I refuse to put myself in further credit card debt for another vacation. I really just want to go home and save money so I can get the fuck out of CA. Hopefully I will be able to do that soon, maybe this summer. The sooner I go back home the sooner I will be able to get myself out of debt and get myself to NY or wherever I end up.

I just want to wake up from this fucking nightmare.

Aeternum vale

Words of Encouragement

It is the best feeling when someone tells you that you have the ability to do anything and you know in your heart they truly mean it. At a time when you are questioning past decisions and reevaluating your future plans, someone else’s belief in you can be all the inspiration you need to continue on the path you hope you are meant to take. It is so easy to get caught up or stuck in the life you are living that you forget about creating the life you dream of.

Today I was told that I can do anything I want to. I was believed in. I was reminded that I can’t let anyone tell me that I shouldn’t follow my heart. These words of encouragement are exactly what I needed to help guide me on a path toward my dreams.

Europe!

So I'm finally going to Europe and I am doing it on my own. I am so excited, but also nervous about being in a foreign country all by myself. I can't wait to go. I think it could be a life changing experience. I'm flying into Denmark and from there I'm going to try to go to Sweden, Germany, Norway, Findland, and Amsterdam. It seems kind of ambitious, but I won't have anyone holding me back.

I for sure have no money to go, but fuck it. I will figure something out. $1400 for a plane ticket plus hotel, food, transportaion, and money for sightseeing and souvenirs. That's going to be a lot of money and considering I owe the IRS $800, which I have to come up with in about six weeks and have saved $0, and still have ridiculous credit card debt from my recent trip to New York it will be a while before I am able to save any money. I also haven't paid my monthly student loan bill since October so I should probably get some money to them asap. I also need a passport which I can't even afford right now because I have about $3 in my checking account and you have to use a check for one of the fees so I can't just add it to my increasing credit card debt. There's always the next paycheck, except for the fact that I've kind of already spent it. But whatever. I need to get out of this place and experience something new.

Europe in June. It's going to be amazing!